I am not sure if I should write about this. A friend and I talked about this recently... hmm....This rambling will somewhat, somehow sounds a little on the spiritual side. Just something that has been bothering me of late and is quite a sensitive topic I guess....
I have bought some time from him and loads of time from HIM.
I know it's an obligation that has to be adhered to but I have a lot of reasons (or rather excuses), "
belum ready. tak nak kena paksa. Kalau tak ikhlas, buat apa. "
This kakak said to me,"
jangan pakai dulu kalau nak tukar kerja.Nanti susah."
While there is the common notion that once you don it, your chances of getting a job may be reduced (being brutally honest here), I'd think the opposite is true although I was ( or am?) guilty of having such an inclination too. Anything HE wills it to happen will happen. On our part, we would have to put in our utmost effort, rite?
So, what am I waiting for? Why the 50-50?
I know I will one day don it but when will that day be? I don't want to don it just for the sake of wearing it y'know. To please my mom? She has been asking me to don it for so long now since I am the only one among my siblings who doesn't wear it.
I have been asked this question many a times, 'Why are you the only one not wearing it?' Amongst my siblings that is.
My common reply, 'I am not ready yet. I want to do it voluntarily.'
I guess before I really don it, I have to
muhasabah diri. I have to improve myself in my obligations first, no missing of solats especially. I have been guilty and still am guilty of missing the solat for v measly reasons such as too busy at work till I failed to do a time check, busy shopping for the best bargains etc. etc. that time just slipped.
I am scared God may be angry cos' the 5 times prayers are our pillars but at the same time i am still guilty of missing it. I think I hv tried my best but I know I can try harder. I have slipped too many times. I will return to HIM when something unfortunate happens. After HE wills the solutions to my problems, my complacency sets in again. :( MAN is such...
With age catching up too (hitting the big 3 next year), I get a little scared.
This may sound a little morbid but really, we never know do we. Our time may be up sooner that we
think it'll be..
-- tea's thoughts --
10:37 AM
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